your son's AI made you a travel guide. iran launched something called Operation Epic Fury. the fairmont is on fire. DXB is closed. the vibes are off but the gold souk is open.
📍 the edition, downtown📅 feb 28 — mar 12☀️ 17–28°C✈️ airport: closed lol🚀 interceptor debris: falling
moved to dubai for the tax shelter. now you're in a bomb shelter. people are filming intercepts while flexing rolexes. the fairmont just got a 1-star review from a shahed drone. this city is genuinely built different.
running 🏃♀️
on pause. iran called an airstrike "operation epic fury" and honestly you can't even be mad at that branding.
status update
interceptor debris is falling on the city. your air defense system is technically bombing you. the edition gym has treadmills and a notable absence of shrapnel. use the gym.
🪁scenic
kite beach track
14km beachfront with burj al arab views. currently filed under "when this blows over." the cafes are still there for the post-run flat white that is, let's be honest, the whole reason.
7km purpose-built route under the burj al arab. gulf breeze, soft surface, sunrise that makes you briefly reconsider your entire life. on hold until iran calms down.
water is not optional. if you run one way and careem back, that's a tactical withdrawal. it's what the US does except yours costs AED 30 instead of $2 trillion.
things to do 🧭
the fairmont is on fire and the gold souk is still open. come for the tax breaks, stay because your flight got cancelled.
the heat schedule (non-negotiable)
6am–10am — outside. it's beautiful. 10am–4pm — inside. the sun has chosen violence. 4pm–9pm — outside again. sunsets here go unreasonably hard.
🕌culture
al fahidi historical district
old dubai. wind towers, narrow lanes, courtyard cafes. proof that dubai existed before someone said "what if we made everything really, really tall." museum is AED 3. that's 65p.
converted warehouses, galleries, indie cafes. 20 minutes from a mall with a ski slope in it. nightjar does coffee that will ruin every other coffee for you. you've been warned.
AED 1 wooden boat across the creek, then gold souk and spice souk. the spice souk is the real one — saffron, frankincense, the lot. the abra is now statistically the most perilous naval crossing in the persian gulf. iran hit the palm. the strait of hormuz is shut. and you're on a wooden boat for AED 1. hardest flex of your life.
long promenade, restaurants, ain dubai wheel. best at sunset when every single person looks like they're shooting a fragrance advert. vibes: immaculate. geopolitics: not.
150 million flowers including a full-size A380 covered in petals. iran launched "operation epic fury" and dubai said "yes but have you seen our flower plane." this city is unserious in the most magnificent way.
150m picture frame. glass floor. old dubai one side, new dubai the other, existential crisis in the middle. hits different with smoke from intercepted ballistic missiles on the horizon.
everything is 10–30 min by car. nothing is reachable by plane because DXB is closed and 280 flights just got cancelled. but taxis work. dubai finds a way.
📱
uber / careem
both work perfectly. careem is the local one, usually cheaper. your nan would approve.
🚕
taxis
metered, safe, everywhere. AED 30–50 to beaches. cheaper than uber in most UK cities.
🚇
metro
closest station right there. great for malls. not great for beaches. air conditioned, which here is basically a human right.
🚶
walking
dubai mall & fountains are walkable. midday sun remains undefeated. 47-0 lifetime record. don't challenge it.
taxi times from your hotel
🪁 kite beach~15 min · AED 30–40
🏖️ jumeirah beach~15–20 min · AED 35–45
🕌 al fahidi / creek~15 min · AED 25–35
🌅 JBR walk~25 min · AED 45–60
🖼️ dubai frame~10 min · AED 20–30
🌸 miracle garden~25 min · AED 50–65
🌍 global village~30 min · AED 55–70
actually useful intel
• 5:30am taxis — empty roads, no surge, 10 min to the beach. elite hours.
• careem > uber on price most of the time here.
• run one way, cab back — this is strategy, not surrender. sigma move.
• keep passport + power bank in your day bag. not paranoia. the people filming shahed drones from palm rooftops while flexing AP royal oaks had vibes but no exit strategy. be better.
day plans 📋
mix and match. all plans designed around the two threats to your comfort: the midday sun and the islamic revolutionary guard corps.
// the beach morning
5:30am
taxi to kite beach — if outdoor ops are a go. if not, treadmill at the hotel while watching BBC and processing your feelings.
5:45am
run the jumeirah track — sunrise over the gulf, burj al arab in frame. check twitter first to confirm no active intercepts. then main character energy.
taxi back — before the sun starts taking things personally.
11am–3pm
pool, spa, or dubai mall — the mall has 1,200 shops, an aquarium, and a ski slope. one of those will interest you. statistically guaranteed.
6pm
dubai fountains — every 30 min from 6pm, right on your doorstep. a comforting reminder that humans can still coordinate on something positive.
// the culture one
6am
downtown boulevard loop — easy 3–4km walk/jog. or stay in bed. both are valid life choices and i'm not here to judge.
8:30am
taxi to al fahidi — old lanes, courtyard cafes, museum. the dubai that existed before anyone discovered glass and steel.
10:30am
abra across the creek — AED 1 for a wooden boat ride across the water. your most dangerous naval crossing this trip. iran hit three countries across the gulf and you're paying AED 1 for a wooden boat. the duality.
12:30pm
lunch in deira — karachi darbaar is legendary. the kind of food that makes you briefly forgive everything that's wrong with the world, and there is a lot wrong with the world right now.
2pm
back to hotel — rest through the hot hours. this is mandatory, not lazy. the sun has spoken.
4:30pm
dubai frame at sunset — stunning views. walk through zabeel park after if the vibe check passes.
// the art & beach day
5:30am
dubai canal sunrise — walkable from hotel, beautiful light on the water. or sleep in. no wrong answers here.
9am
alserkal avenue — galleries, nightjar coffee, pretending you understand conceptual art while mostly just vibing.
11:30am
taxi to la mer — beach, street art, lunch. very aesthetic. your instagram will thank you.
2pm
hotel pool — lie horizontal. read a book. pretend bloomberg doesn't exist for two hours. us consulate says shelter in place. the pool counts.
5:30pm
sunset walk — JBR or kite beach. the gulf does unreal sunsets. it's one of its better qualities right now.
// the global village evening
morning
light cardio + chill — pool, treadmill, late breakfast. dealer's choice.
4pm
taxi to global village — 90+ country pavilions. food from everywhere. enough sensory input to forget that iran has entered its villain arc. the geopolitical equivalent of touching grass except it's kebabs and you're technically in a conflict zone.
9pm
taxi home — full of food from twelve countries, carrying souvenirs from six more, wondering why global diplomacy can't be this straightforward.
the list ✅
tap to check off. saved locally. inshallah.
running (pending world peace)
kite beach sunrise run
14km soft track, burj al arab views
jumeirah beach track (7km)
umm suqeim to jumeirah 1
dubai canal loop
6.4km, walkable from hotel
downtown boulevard jog
right outside the edition
everything else
al fahidi historical district
old dubai, wind towers, 65p museum
abra ride across the creek
AED 1 — most dangerous naval crossing in the gulf
gold souk & spice souk
the spice souk is the actual gem here
dubai frame
150m glass floor existential crisis machine
alserkal avenue
art, nightjar coffee, conceptual vibes
la mer
street art, beach, açaí bowls of unknown origin
miracle garden
150 million flowers. a flower plane. absolute madness.