your son's AI made you a travel guide and then iran launched Operation Epic Fury (their actual name for it, genuinely) and now the fairmont hotel is on fire and DXB — the busiest airport on the planet — just went dark. the vibes are off.
moved to dubai for the tax shelter. now you're in a bomb shelter. people are filming ballistic missile intercepts from hotel rooftops while flexing rolexes. the fairmont just got a 1-star review from a shahed drone. the gold souk is still open though because dubai is genuinely built different.
outdoor running is on pause because iran called an airstrike "operation epic fury" and honestly you can't even be mad at that branding. the hotel treadmill is now critical national infrastructure.
look. running outside while a country 200km across the water is lobbing ballistic missiles is what twitter would call "a lack of situational awareness." interceptor debris is literally falling on the city rn. your air defense system is technically bombing you. the edition gym has treadmills and a marked absence of falling shrapnel. sometimes the boring option is the correct option.
14km of soft beachfront with burj al arab views. in normal times, this is the play. right now it's more of a "when this all blows over" bookmark. lined with cafes for the post-run flat white that is, let's be honest, 80% of why anyone runs.
7km purpose-built route from umm suqeim, right under the burj al arab. gulf breeze, soft surface, sunrise that makes you briefly reconsider your entire life. you won't become a morning person. but for 45 minutes you'll believe you could.
6.4km paved loop almost on your doorstep. skyline views, well lit, no influencers. the route you do when you want to say you ran but don't want to make it a whole personality trait.
literally outside the hotel. 3–4km around burj khalifa while the world's tallest building catches the sunrise and you jog past in your travel trainers feeling like main character energy incarnate.
dubai air will dehydrate you faster than doomscrolling twitter while iran live-tweets "operation epic fury." water is not optional. and if you run one way and careem back — that's not quitting, that's what the military calls "tactical withdrawal." literally what the US does except your uber costs AED 30 instead of $2 trillion.
the fairmont is on fire, DXB is closed, interceptor debris is falling from the sky, and the gold souk is still open because this city runs on a frequency the rest of the world cannot comprehend. come for the tax breaks, stay because your flight got cancelled.
6am–10am — go outside. it's genuinely beautiful. do the culture stuff.
10am–4pm — go inside immediately. the sun is not the polite english sort. it has chosen violence.
4pm–9pm — go back outside. sunsets here go unreasonably hard.
old dubai. wind towers, narrow lanes, courtyard cafes, art galleries that would make shoreditch jealous. proof that dubai existed before someone said "what if we made everything really, really tall." museum is AED 3. that's 65p. you literally cannot afford not to go.
converted warehouses full of galleries and indie cafes, 20 minutes from a mall that has a ski slope in it. the cognitive dissonance is part of the charm. nightjar does coffee that will ruin every other coffee for you forever. you've been warned.
AED 1 abra (water taxi) across the creek, then gold souk and spice souk. the spice souk is the real one — saffron mountains, frankincense, the lot. the abra ride is now, statistically, the most perilous naval crossing in the persian gulf. iran just hit the palm jumeirah. the strait of hormuz is a no-go. and you're on a wooden boat for AED 1 like it's nothing. this is the most unhinged flex possible and nobody will ever believe you.
long promenade, restaurants, the ain dubai wheel, and a beach where everyone looks like they've been personally lit by a cinematographer. best at sunset when the light forgives everything and every single person looks like they're shooting a fragrance advert. the vibes are immaculate even if the geopolitics aren't.
150 million flowers shaped into hearts, castles, and a full-size emirates A380 covered entirely in petals. it is magnificent. it is completely deranged. you will take 400 photographs and every single one will slap. iran launched "operation epic fury" and someone in dubai said "yes but have you seen our flower plane." this city is completely unserious and i respect it deeply.
150m tall picture frame. glass floor at the top. old dubai one side, new dubai the other, existential crisis in the middle. go at sunset. try not to think about how a giant empty frame is somehow the most honest piece of architecture in a city built on vibes and audacity. ngl it genuinely hits different when there's smoke from intercepted ballistic missiles on the horizon. your instagram story will go unimaginably hard.
90+ country pavilions. food from everywhere. the UN but with better kebabs, no vetoes, and nobody's blocking a resolution. go when it's dark and everything's lit up. you'll eat food from like eight countries and come home carrying snacks from six more. this is the geopolitical solution nobody tried. 90 countries peacefully coexisting through kebabs. someone send iran and israel here instead.
trendy beachfront with street art, boutique shops, and restaurants with too many fairy lights. extremely instagrammable. the kind of place where you order an "açaí bowl" and pretend you've always known what that is. your secret is safe.
everything is 10–30 minutes away by car. nothing is reachable by plane because DXB is closed and 280+ flights just got cancelled. thousands of people are standing in terminal queues going nowhere. but taxis still work. dubai finds a way.
both work perfectly. careem is the local one, usually cheaper. your nan would approve.
metered, safe, everywhere. AED 30–50 to beach areas. cheaper than a birmingham uber which is saying something.
closest station right there. great for malls. not great for beaches. air conditioned, which here is basically a human right.
dubai mall & fountains are walkable. midday sun remains undefeated. 47-0 lifetime record. don't challenge it.
• 5:30am taxis — empty roads, no surge, 10 min to the beach. elite hours.
• careem > uber on price most of the time here.
• run one way, cab back — this is strategy, not surrender. sigma move.
• keep passport + power bank in your day bag. not paranoia. just preparedness. the people filming shahed drones from palm jumeirah rooftops while flexing AP royal oaks — those people had vibes but no exit strategy. be better than them.
mix and match. swap outdoor stuff for indoor whenever iran decides to drop another operation with an objectively fire name. all plans designed around the two immovable threats: the midday sun and the islamic revolutionary guard corps.
tap to check off. progress is saved on your phone. whether your phone survives the geopolitical situation is, admittedly, a separate question. (it will. probably. inshallah.)